Elven Princes and Dwarvish Liquor
by Elvensong
Summary: Co-written by myself and Babmidnight: A simple drinking game turns into a wild night when a Elf has too much liquor made by a Dwarf. Finished!
1. The Game Begins

                  Elven Princes and Dwarvish Liquor  
Author: Elvensong and Brenda

Author's Note: This is our first joint fic and m=our first humor fic! Wow, a lot of barriors being crossed! Please review for us! You can e-mail Brenda with reviews at: baskbr@juno.com

  
  
Part one by Brenda  
  
Six months after the Ring was destroyed, the eight members of   
the Fellowship of the ring are traveling back to Rivendell to get   
some rest. On their way, they stopped by some village for supplies,   
and as a gift received some Dwarven liquor, lot of it at that.   
Currently they are traveling though the Misty Mountains…..we join   
them around a happy camp fire..….  
"Hey guys, what do you say we try some of that Liquor they gave us?"   
asked Gimli  
The hobbits look at him, ideas going though their heads a mile a   
minute.  
"How about a short drinking game?" asked Merry  
"yeah, we could play a game like I've never, or even truth or Dare,   
but I think I've Never is better" said Pippin  
"I vote for I've Never" said Aragorn  
"I agree" spoke up Gimli, Gandalf nodding his head in agreement also.  
Legolas looked at them strange for a moment, everyone starring at   
him, waiting for his answer.  
"I don't know, is that dwarven liquor safe since I'm elf?"  
"Sure, of course it is! What could it do to you?" said Gimli  
"Oh alright" said Legolas  
Gimli runs to get the liquor out and hands a bottle to   
everyone. "Ok, these are the rules, who's ever turn it is says   
something they've never done with the `I've Never' before what they   
haven't done before, and everyone who has, has to take a small sip of   
the liquor, but if you haven't then you don't have to. Who wants to   
start first?"  
"I do, I do" Said Pippin  
"I've never……climbed a tree"  
Legolas and Aragorn take sips of their Liquor.  
Everyone stares at Aragorn.  
"What I grew up in Rivendell!!" says Aragorn.   
"I've never…….played with Gandalf's staff when I wasn't supposed to"   
said Gimli  
Legolas, Aragorn, Merry, Frodo, Sam, Pippin all take sips of their   
liquor  
Gandalf looks at all of the guilty  
Legolas: "We were young, or at least I was" Aragorn, Frodo and Sam   
agree with him. Merry and Pippin still have a guilty look……  
"Merry, Pippin?" said Gandalf  
Merry and Pippin hide behind Legolas "we played with it the last time   
you were in the shire……" Gandalf starts to move towards them…….Merry   
and Pippin start to run, pushing Legolas by accident who lands in   
some mud………  
Everyone turns to see Legolas sitting in the mud. He looks towards   
the hobbits, trying to decide what to do. He stands up and goes sits   
in a tree deciding it the safest place.  
"I've never…….shot an arrow" said Frodo  
Legolas and Aragorn look at Frodo.  
"What I haven't? It's not my fault you two have." Frodo hides behind   
Gandalf as Legolas and Aragorn take their drinks.  
"I've never……ridden a horse backwards" said Merry  
Legolas, Aragorn, Gimli, and Gandalf take sips of Liquor.   
Suddenly Merry sees something, and starts throwing rocks at a tree.   
*Thump* "Owww"  
Merry stares at the realization that he just knocked Legolas out a   
tree.  
"Oh I'm sorry Legolas, I thought I saw an Orc, really I did. You   
know you really shouldn't sit in an ugly tree, they really can be   
mistaken for other things." Merry runs and hides behind Gimli.   
Everyone laughs.


	2. More mud, More liquor

Author's Note: Here is chapter two already. Things are going to go out of control like this, no angst from me, there's always a first time for everything! 

Don't let us down! Review!

Elvensong's part:

Legolas knew this was a bad idea, sitting there on his second drink already and mud on places Elves were not supposed to have mud. His head was also hurting from where the rock hit him, he would probably have a bump there tomorrow. 

Unfortunately for the Elf, the others had made a few new rules to the game. Instead of a innocent game of "I've Never", it became a game of "Let's get Legolas drunk." The others had never seen a drunk Elf, not even Aragorn, and since this was very strong Dwarf liquor the effects could be even better to watch. 

It was now Aragorn's turn, and he had known Legolas longer than any of them. The man gave an evil smile.

"I've never fallen out of a tree while staring at a maiden."

If Elves could growl, Legolas was doing just that. As he took a sip, everyone's jaw dropped. 

Gimli tried to contain his laughter as the turn came to him. 

"Ok, here's a good one." Legolas sighed and rolled his eyes at Gimli's words. "I've never had claustrophobia."

Legolas' second drink almost gone, while most everyone else was still on their first one. Gimli poured the Elf another.

"You're going to need this soon."

Legolas was ready to really make his turn count. He stood up, shaking and almost falling over, when Aragorn looked concerned and rose to try and help him, he was shoved back down.

"Sit down, Human!" The Elf smiled wider than anyone had ever seen him, proudly holding his drink high.

"I've never grown a beard!"

Everyone smiled slightly at the Elf and drank.

Legolas still beaming decided it was time to sit down again, however his attempts were less than successful. He took many steps before finally getting to the ground, or actually the mud puddle where he was a few moments before. 

"Damn it to the Dwarf caves!" 

"Hey" Gimli yelled back, standing to fact the Elf, only to have a ball of mud land right in his face. 

The Hobbits were still just staring.

"The mud compliments your beard, friend Dwarf!" Legolas' laughter was ringing into the trees. 

"Come, Legolas, Gimli, let's continue out game." 

Gimli couldn't help but smile under his beard, he had never seen his friend do anything so carefree and playful before.  He wanted to see what a few more drinks could do to the Elf's stoic facade.  

Thus, the game continued and Legolas' third drink was already being in disappear. 

Brenda's Part


	3. Crazy or just seeing things?

Author's Note: We're having a blast writing this and hoping you're having a blast reading it! My co-author also wishes flameless reviews, because this is obvious not a serious work. We're not too concerned about storyline, grammar, plot, whatever…………

Usual Deal Here: We don't own these people or ideas, we just torture them and put them back when we are done.

Babmidnight's part:

Chapter 3:  
  
"I've never lived over a hundred years" said Sam  
Both Gandalf and Legolas take sips.  
"I've never.......danced with a beautiful blonde elf maiden in the   
kingdom of Mirkwood." said Gandalf.  
Legolas takes a sip and blushes.  
"Oh do I see Legolas blushing!!" shouted Pippin  
"This is too good to be true" said Merry  
Legolas stands up feeling a bit tipsy from all the liquor. He was   
now on his fourth glass of liquor, far to many to his likely but   
surely wasn't going to give up his pride and honor of being male or   
wait he thought.......am I male? He walks over to a puddle near by   
and looks at his reflection. He was still male thank the Valar   
(spelling?)  
"I've never done more than kiss a female elf" said Aragon staring at   
Legolas with a knowing look.  
"It's hot, anyone else hot?" asked Legolas  
"How can you be hot it's nearly winter?" asked Frodo  
Legolas shrugs and takes off his tunic (shirt) and jumps in a tree   
swinging from tree to tree doing many talented gymnastics tricks   
until he missed a branch and hit the ground.  
Walking on unsure footing Legolas declares:   
"I've never smoked a Pipe"   
Proud of himself even though he was soaking wet from head to toe due   
to falling in some water.   
Legolas stands up again spins in circles until he's so dizzy that he   
can't see anything without seeing a blur...he stops for a moment and   
stares at Frodo and asks.  
"Frodo, did you see that? I just saw a unicorn!" Legolas runs off to   
find the mythical unicorn running though the woods screaming   
"Oh come back her lovely unicorn, come back, Lego want to pet."   
By then everyone was laughing. Legolas finally comes back pouting   
that the unicorn was gone, sitting down ungracefully. Suddenly Gimli   
came up with a good one figuring Legolas had to have done it when he   
was younger, curious to how much more the liquor would affect Legolas.  
"I've never been fascinated by butterfly's"  
Legolas takes a sip when a butterfly flies by.......  
  
  



	4. Pretty Butterfly

This was an especially pretty butterfly to the Elf's eyes, with all the pinks and purples dancing around on the wings.  This might have been an effect from all the curious liquor he had, but right now it didn't matter.

"Look at the colors!" Legolas leapt up and towards the butterfly, which took off into the trees.

"Ah, you think you can lose me up there! Ha! You should know better, Pater!"

"Legolas?"

"Yes, Aragorn?"

"Who is Pater?"

"The butterfly, of course!"

"I was afraid of that."

With something that might be called Elven grace but for the stumbling, Legolas jumped into the tree. 

"How long will he be up there?" Frodo stared up into the tree.

Gimli laughed, "It depends on who has a longer attention span, a drunk Elf or a butterfly!" 

Moments went past and no one said anything, they waited for some clue as to what was happening above them.

Gandalf sighed, "Maybe someone should go up and see what's happening."

Just then there was a loud crash in the trees above, and before anyone knew what was happening, one Elf prince lay on the ground sulking. 

"What happened, friend Elf?" Gimli was trying to contain his laughter before the response. 

"The butterfly kept going higher, but the tree didn't. I ran outta tree."

Gimli's laughter broke through and he almost doubled over.

Legolas was quite upset by his reaction, no mortal ever laughs at the great Prince of Mirkwood.

"What would a Dwarf know about tree-climbing? They first need to learn how to fight and defend themselves. I remember fighting the Dwarfes at the battle of five armies, ha! Couldn't fight then, can't fight now!" Legolas then unceremoniously stuck his tongue out at the shocked Dwarf. 

Gandalf smiled, "Be careful, Gimli, sometimes liquor can make an Elf especially blunt."

"Oh is that true, Gandalf?" Legolas stared at him with genuine fascination. "I suppose if that were true then I would tell you that it was I who put that funny smelling herb in your spell eleven hundred years ago. Then that man diplomat drank that spell and kept starting to float!" The Elf began laughing, "We had to tie weights to his ankles to keep him from floating away!"

"So, that's who it was."  
  
  



	5. Sleepy Time

Legolas looks over at the hobbits in the corner and just stares for a  
second taking in the sight.  
"You know, those hobbits if they get any closer I think people might  
start to get the wrong idea"  
The hobbits look up at Legolas at his comment, look at each other and  
move in the opposite directions.  
  
"I've never used my looks to catch some female maidens" said Gimli   
  
Legolas grabs another glass of Liquor and drinks the whole glass seeming  
to forget to only take a sip.  
  
Legolas walks over to Aragorn, sits next to him and puts his arms on his  
shoulders in a buddy way.   
"man, did you know Arwen cheated on you with Haldir when he visited 20  
years ago."  
Aragorn looks at Legolas surprised. "No i didn't know, how did you  
know?"  
Legoals giggles like a little kid.   
"I saw them kissing in the garden. Though I don't think Arwen enjoyed  
it, I think Haldir surprised her......" Legolas gets up and flings his  
arm wide....  
"have you guys ever heard of the story of all the great lords when they  
were young?"   
Gandalf nods his head yes, while the others look at Legolas with an  
interested look.   
"Well I'll tell you, when my father and Elrond were young, they used to  
try to play tricks on Galariel. I think when she got older and learned  
some of her magic she got them back and that's why her kingdom is the  
greatest of the three."  
Gandalf laughs "no, no, no that's not the story. Let me tell it......"  
  
Two hours later Gandalf finishes his tale. "and the end" Gandalf looks  
over to Legolas to see him sleeping on the ground. It looks like the  
Liquor finally knocked him out. Anyone want to wake him?"  
  
Gimli gets up "Legolas my friend get up, the game isn't over yet."  
Legolas rolls over. "but but I don't want to get up, my tummy  
hurts............look at the stars aren't they pretty........" says  
Legolas in a dazed look. Everyone trys not to laugh, some doing better  
than others.


	6. The End, Thank God

Chapter Six (the combined work by both the authors)  
  
  
  
Legolas sees a shadow of an animal walk by. He stops  
looking at the stars and gets up to go find the  
animal. Soon he comes back with a little black  
panther cub in his arms and sits next to Gimli.   
  
"Look what I found, isn't it cute?"  
"NO"  
"Why not?"  
"They are not hairy enough and and and..." The cub  
stiffs Gimli and jumps out of Legolas' arms and into  
Gimli's lap.  
"See he likes you." Gimli tried to look annoyed at  
the cat being in his lap but soon found himself  
petting the cat and before long playing with it.   
"I still don't like animals" says Gimli as the panther  
knocks him down to the ground and starts pulling his  
beard.  
"No, not the beard......ahh.......hehehehe..."   
As Legolas is watching Gimli play with the panther he  
suddenly remembers something and smiles 'payback time'  
  
  
"I've never had my father picked on by an elf and a  
captive of Mirkwood at that!" says Legolas while he   
smiles at Gimli.   
  
Gimli stops playing with the panther, looks up at  
Legolas "Damn elves" and takes a sep from his Liquor.  
  
Soon Legolas goes for the wine flask and tips it back,  
but nothing poured out.  
  
"Aw, no more." He said, trying to look said. "But it  
was so good and.." Suddenly, the Prince of Mirkwood  
fall straight over and straight to sleep, snoring  
slightly, which was more snoring than he had ever done  
in his immortal life.  
  
Later Gimli is sound asleep snoring with the cub  
drooling on his beard......  
  
The next morning they all woke up, some with mild  
headaches others with migraines. Needless to say  
Legolas was one of the ones with the migraines.  
Legolas gets up too fast, his stomach spinning and  
walks into the sunlight, the brightness hurting his  
head  
  
"What happened? I don't remember quite everything."  
  
'So much for Elven memory.' thought Frodo.  
  
Soon they start their journey to continue to Rivendell  
but instead find themselves trying to stay in the  
shade and moving much to slow. In the end they had  
only travels 10 miles compared to the 20 or 30 they  
may of traveled the day before. From this day on  
Legolas won't drink Dwarfish liquor at least not in a  
game of "I've never" or "Truth or Dare".  
  
  
  
The End


End file.
